Andrea Rants: Insights, Thoughts, and Opinions

MY thoughts, insights and opinions on things in MY life. I'm not asking for your judgment. Enjoy...or not.

Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Corporate America 12 year veteran. I've held positions ranging from Customer Service to Sr. Manager to Assistant Vice President of Marketing. Novelist. I've always written. My first book was penned (or rather, penciled) at the tender age of six, and every moment since, I have been writing this short story or that novel. My first novel is a work of fiction: Her Essence, a Mystery/Thriller. I am in the process of writing my first non-fiction book, which incorporates my life coaching methodologies and philosphies as well as other thrillers: Taming Roland, About Bryant, and the sequel to Her Essence.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Denying Beauty

For those of you who read this blog, or know me, you know that I try to keep things light. That is my nature...light and easy going. But sometimes I have to take it there. I will write about an experience I had yesterday, probably Friday when I have a bit more time, but this really is the chicken (if you believe that the chicken comes before the egg as I do...sometimes).

I've been reading several blogs of interest, not all are listed here, but they are in my personal favorites. I have had several discussions with women and the outcome is always the same. We deny our beauty.

Tell me, what do you think of this statement: "I'm a beautiful woman that men find undeniably attractive."

Or how about this: "I have the 'damn' factor. That unintelligible cause for pause that makes a man stop and say, "damn.""

This was explained to me at a party recently. This is actually a true and very interesting conversation I had the other day, although I'm really not doing it justice as the gentleman explaining the world as it is to me was so animated in his "damn" that it rocked his whole body and made the left side of my mouth involuntarily curl up. The tell-tell sign that I was humored.

When you read these statements, do you think me vain? Arrogant? Confident? Over confident?

Why? I'll tell you what I think is wrong with these statements: Firstly, it assumes that a man/men validate women's beauty. It's ours and we own it. But time and again, we deny it, apologize for it, and feel shame about it. AND allow others to validate us, or not. You rarely hear women compliment themselves. That would be considered rude right?

Case in point: I had a conversation with someone recently. I'd written something and I stopped and looked at my fluid scribble. I said, "gosh, my handwriting is pretty." The woman in question turned to me and said, "Andrea, why can't you give someone a chance to compliment you?"

I thought about it for about three seconds. I don't need anyone to compliment me. I think my handwriting is pretty. End of story. Sorry, but it doesn't matter what your thoughts are on the subject.

Everyone thinks that beautiful people (and I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that it's as or more important to be beautiful I go with the rationalizing) have it made. Not so. There's a great deal of guilt that hovers over your fine looks that you have to contend with daily. Apologizing for or down playing beauty becomes very second nature.

It's not just me. I keep reading/hearing it. I fully understand where my issues started, but that's for another blog at another time, but I want to understand why this is for you.

Help me out...your thoughts?


Blogger NotCarrie said...

I think those statements show you're confident. I often go around saying, "I'm hott" and am confident in my abilities. Am I really hott and better than other people? Who depends on the person I'm interacting with, but I may as well be confident in myself.

I think as long as you give compliments to others you should be able to give them to yourself as well.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Bougie Black Boy said...

Interesting post. I may have to have my own write-up on a similiar subject soon. I think that we are judgemental when it comes to looks, AND I think we need to be confident with our looks as well. I always tell people look into the mirror and say "damn, I look good..." and then ask yourself "is this true?" Why or why not? If you don't believe it to be true why is our own self esteem so low to assume we are not attractive?

9:45 AM  
Blogger Vixen said...

I've been called vain and proud. Mainly because I know how beautiful I am and admire myself. I'm always checking myself out in mirrors and glass, feeling how hot and confidant I am. To me, beauty begins from within. If you don't think you are fine, even if the whole world tells you how beautiful you are you won't believe it.

I'm very beautiful. I own my beauty. I don't need anyone to compliment me (although it's nice when they do). I've always attributed it to a Libra thing----we love to be admired. Thankfully, I've finally found a guy secure in his own hotness that I can shine without making him feel less of a guy. We are constantly praising each other, both vain and both so in love with ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with a little self love. Or alot. Don't let those insecure people get to you. They want you to play down your assets to make themselves more comfortable. Yeesh.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Thanks for responding! Not Carrie, I am the queen of giving compliments and I think your comment was spot on regarding sharing the wealth of compliments.

Stephen: I look forward to reading what you do with the topic. Oh, and by the way, "damn...I look good!" And yes, it's true.

Vixen: I agree, nothing wrong with self love. So long as it doesn't hurt anyone. Interesting twist with the bf and whether or not he's secure enough to be with you. That's a topic all in its own.

10:59 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Your comments were spot on. There's something about each of us that's 'special' and if we don't recognize it, who will? Great post.

3:16 PM  

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