Is Flirting Wrong?
Interesting conversation Thursday, well it was more of a debate. The topic: Flirting. Not the movie, the act. I took the stance (which I actually believe. I was not playing devil's advocate as I have done countless times in the past) that flirting is okay, harmless even. My opponent in this debate says flirting is not okay. Not for those in committed relationships anyway. To do so is emotional cheating. I will say that my opponent relented (as I am a formidable opponent and that I am not to be messed with...anyhow...)
Never one to back down from a good healthy debate, I maintained my stance. Flirting is fine and definitely not cheating! Having had a moment or two to actually think about it, I'm changing my stance; ever so slightly.
The definition of flirt: (v) 1. To make coyly romantic or sexual overtures. 2. To deal triflingngly with.
That explained, when flirting is being had (or done as the case may be) with definition number 1 in mind, for sure, you're crossing a line if you're in a committed relationship. When flirting is defined as definition number 2, no harm, no foul. The key: emotions! When you've developed an emotional attachment to someone who is not your significant other, you're going to have to say, at some point to your sig other: "I'm cheating," to some extent; cheating your spouse from your full emotional attention at the very least.
For example: I blogged about Mr. X in his blue Range Rover several weeks ago (Chance Encounters, I believe). Because I smile at Mr. X, I needn't confess to my spouse that I've cheated on him. There was no emotional attachment. It was a smile, pure and simple. Perhaps we made each other's day or at least an interesting anecdote. He certainly made my blog--twice now! Perhaps there is an emotional attachment!!!
Now, had I tossed my phone number through his open sun roof, complete with a smear of red lipstick and a steamy line about different ways we might fit in his rather large car, well then, yes, I need to check my motivations. But did I actually cheat?
Tough call. Any ideas?
********* I just want to note for the record one way or the other that the above example is completely fictional--it's what I do, I write fiction. That is all. *******
Never one to back down from a good healthy debate, I maintained my stance. Flirting is fine and definitely not cheating! Having had a moment or two to actually think about it, I'm changing my stance; ever so slightly.
The definition of flirt: (v) 1. To make coyly romantic or sexual overtures. 2. To deal triflingngly with.
That explained, when flirting is being had (or done as the case may be) with definition number 1 in mind, for sure, you're crossing a line if you're in a committed relationship. When flirting is defined as definition number 2, no harm, no foul. The key: emotions! When you've developed an emotional attachment to someone who is not your significant other, you're going to have to say, at some point to your sig other: "I'm cheating," to some extent; cheating your spouse from your full emotional attention at the very least.
For example: I blogged about Mr. X in his blue Range Rover several weeks ago (Chance Encounters, I believe). Because I smile at Mr. X, I needn't confess to my spouse that I've cheated on him. There was no emotional attachment. It was a smile, pure and simple. Perhaps we made each other's day or at least an interesting anecdote. He certainly made my blog--twice now! Perhaps there is an emotional attachment!!!
Now, had I tossed my phone number through his open sun roof, complete with a smear of red lipstick and a steamy line about different ways we might fit in his rather large car, well then, yes, I need to check my motivations. But did I actually cheat?
Tough call. Any ideas?
********* I just want to note for the record one way or the other that the above example is completely fictional--it's what I do, I write fiction. That is all. *******
posted by Andrea | 6:19 AM
7 Comments:
Cheating is having a relationship with someone outside of your committed relationship. That's the line, albeit blurry.
I flirt. My spouse knows I flirt. I come home to my spouse. It's all in good fun. No harm no foul. If flirting a prereq for cheating, we'd all be divorced.
I will admit to nothing...I know what I know, and I do what I do.
You bring up a good point. A friend and I were just discussing this the other day. I don't think that flirting is harmless UNLESS, as you say, there is an emotional attachment and/or relationships are involved. However, lines do become ever so slightly blurred when one person on one end of the flirting begins to develop feelings but the other person doesn't (Umm yeah, I speak from experience). I have been told that I flirt (I don't really see it. Some times, but not ALL the time), and I don't see what's wrong with that. It is all in good fun. I did come to realize tho' that the people who said it only did so b/c they actually liked me, where I was just doing it all in jest. Hmmmm, sticky subject. Interesting tho'!
Good to hear from you Lady K. Interesting feedback and from experience no doubt.
Thanks for checking in!
Ooops, Yeah, I meant to say, "I DO think flirting is harmless unless..."
Luckily, I read in context. I feel /felt you!
A
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