The Marrying Type

For as long as I can remember, people have always joked about my name. As a kid, I was Ms. Wrong or for the more clever, Ms. Left (ha! Does that ever get old) later, boys/men called me 'Ms. Right'. This is simply because my last name is Wright and later it became a rather cute double entendre.

But then as a young adult, Ms. Right took on a more negative connotation. "You're Ms. Right, the marrying type. I don't want to marry anyone, not even Ms. Right, right now." "I wish we'd meet, like in ten years...then I'd be ready to settle down." "I can't date you. You're Ms. Right! I'm Mr. Wrong, trust me." (The last statement never needed repeating...I typically ran and never looked back!)

I was always thrown by these statements. How did they know that *I* wanted to marry *them*? And what's with this marrying collar they'd assign me? Very early on, something about marriage inherently bothered me. Proposals...yes, I'd decided that three were in order, but marriage??? Soon the boys/men who assigned me title, 'the marrying type' began to bother me even more.

I inquired about this "Ms. Right" thing. His name was Charlie. He'd told my best friend that he couldn't see me...you guessed it, I was Ms. Right (and I don't think he knew my last name). So I confronted him. I had nothing to lose and only his perspective to gain.

"Charlie, you told Elana that you didn't want to go out with me..."

"No. No. I told her I couldn't."

"Why?"

"I don't know. You're so...you're too..." He searched his mind for the most tactful way to explain it. I helped him out, desperate to know.

"What? You think I want to marry you?"

"No, not that. I may want to marry you, and I don't think I'm ready to. You're special. Different from the other girls."

Huh. I could live with that. Whatever. I considered myself lucky to leave unscathed by bad boys who would ultimately scar me in some fashion. Slowly, I got over my aversion to the title. And then I met Carol.

Carol is a very eccentric woman, who upon meeting me, looked at my left ring finger and said, "Marriage will always be a problem for you."

"Excuse me?"

"The mole on your left finger. Your relationships will be fine until you marry. You're not the marrying type!"

I was married at the time and not necessarily happily so. I considered her words. How would she know, she merely saw a mole! And then I thought back to my youth, and how I had a natural aversion to marriage. Defensively, I alerted her to the fact that many people have deemed me the marrying type. I was now holding on to the title that had once vexed me.

"Oh dear. Yes, yes you are. You're very well matched to almost anyone...it's just that once you get married, well, you start to have problems."

Sensing a prediction (I live for predictions) I grinned ear to ear and asked, "So, will I get married again?"

Carol smiled back, "Maybe...probably. You're stubborn too. Perhaps you should live with him first?"

This from a 60+ year old woman was more than I could take. But, I liked her moxie and I was 'okay' with her prediction. I thought back to the boys who'd collared me 'the marrying type', perhaps they'd sensed something, glancing at the mole on my finger, a warning and just misplaced the sentiment?

Huh! Something to think about...

Things you may not know about me

I received this by way of Lisa. Feel free to respond!

Four Jobs I have had in my life:
1. House painter (Just stop it. I tried)
2. Customer Service Representative (I found that I wasn't very customer service friendly and that the customer is rarely right)
3. AVP Marketing (That's more like it)
4. Manager, Marketing and Communications (Managing two loves: marketing/communications)

Four movies I have watched over and over:
1. Silence of the Lambs
2. The Usual Suspects
3. Planes Trains and Automobiles
4. Jurassic Park I (I was fascinated, and scared out of my wits)

Four places I have lived:
1. Oak Park, IL
2. Champaign, IL
3. Charlotte, NC
4. Mettawa, IL

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch:
1. Jack's Big Music Show (If you don't have kids, well then...you just don't know...)
2. CSI (I learn so much...)
3. Vanished...just started, but interested
4. Project Runway...guilty pleasure

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation
1. Caymen Islands
2. Kauai, Hawaii
3. St. John, Virgin Islands
4. Tampa, Florida (Disneyland)

Four Of My Favorite Foods
1. Seafood of any kind
2. Anything green(asparagus, spinach, zucchini...)
3. Garbage salad( Salad with a mix of many good things, nuts, meat, cheese, fruit...)
4. Champagne (it's a grape...)

Four Places I Would Rather Be Now
1. NYC launching my book tour
2. Nappa Valley on a wine tour
3. Las Angeles attending the movie preview of Her Essence (my book)
4. Anywhere in Hawaii (preferably Kauai)

*Added...
Four Best Qualities About Andrea
1. Considerate
2. Self-reliant
3. Courageous
4. Witty

Four People I know will respond
1. Laure
2. Janice
3. Vixen
4. Hope

Fairy Tales

We all have a fairy tale in the back of our minds. And for some of us, it’s in the fore front. For me, I think it was buried way down deep in my subconscious until recently. It came to me one day when I glanced at my right foot..

As a child, I never had a picture in my head about whom I would marry or how I would marry. And for that matter, what marriage would be like, but I do recall telling my a family member that I would be proposed to three times; so far, just twice unless you count drunken proposals, which I don’t, and just once with an actual engagement ring.

In my thirties, I have formulated my idea of the perfect man for me. He’s a combination of some men I’ve met and all the men, as I’ve idealized them. In my fairy tale, I imagine that my perfect guy, upon meeting me, instantly (but subtly and with tact) checks my right foot on the left side for a mole, or beauty mark, as he’ll call it. I know, I know, it’s a long shot that a man would be that intuitive and dream of a girl with a beauty mark on her right foot, but it’s a girl’s dream, and a girl has a right to dream. AND as long as it’s my dream, it’ll be whatever I want.

Whether or not it is to be that specific, this fairy tale tells me so much. I want to be with someone who will have a sensitive, intuitive, and spiritual side that’s developed and real. That’s not to say that I won’t date anyone who’s not scoping out my feet. I’ll date him. But I’ll keep a keen look out for his intuitive nature and sense of adventure. I know that that’s important to me now.

What's your fairy tale?

Latest Book Excerpt

From 'Taming Roland' Feel free to leave a critique!

Thus it began unbeknownst to me and as simple as that. The appointment had been on my calendar for weeks and it simply slipped my mind. April twenty-forth rolled around without fanfare. I forgot the conversation with Kristen, and the impending interview with Roland Harris. That afternoon, however, I met his acquaintance and he changed my life completely. I wasn’t expecting it, and he took me completely by surprise, but isn’t that how love happens?

I was crazy that day. I was interviewing several sub-par candidates for a job on my team, an Associate Manager position. Finally, the last candidate sparked my interest. Jenny was perfect; perfect in the sense that she didn’t expect me or the job to catapult her career. She understood that she had to do that herself, and she was going to be happy with just having the job. Jenny would move back home to Chicago from Boston and she couldn’t wait to get back. She found that she didn’t care too much for the Eastern attitude that prevailed in Boston, or the accent. She said it made her stand out, and she felt rejected by the people of Boston. She was perfect; she was insecure, desperate and I would get her at a steal and well below what she was really worth.

I was so excited to find someone, I’d forgotten the details about my next meeting. As I escorted my new find to her next interview, I passed Roland in the hallway. He was on his way to meet with me, but I didn’t know it. I saw him out of the corner of my eye without really focusing on him. To put it simply: I was aware of him. He smiled an easy smile, revealing deep, beautiful dimples that were the only flaw in his beautiful brown skin. I ignored them—and him, but not before he made an indelible impression on me. I noticed that he paused when he saw me. He turned toward me and almost stopped. I’m not sure why he paused and I never asked, but we both kept walking and I averted my attention and engaged my interviewee in conversation, not daring to steal even an indirect glance. I wasn't sure what I might do.

Fear.

Although I didn’t look at him directly, I was still able to process his presence and everything about him. It was as if he’d slapped me awake and my entire body came to attention. He consumed my thoughts on the walk back to my office. I knew I had only moments before my next meeting, so I pushed thoughts of ‘him’ aside and rushed back to my office. I slowed as I neared, slightly unnerved by who I saw waiting for me.

There he stood, very un-cliché like: Not too tall, or dark but achingly handsome—custom made to my specifications. He couldn’t have been any more perfect then if I’d placed the order myself. Now it was my turn to pause, looking at him directly for the first time. My stomach dropped and I stopped right in my tracks and regarded him a moment—surely I’d made his acquaintance before, but I couldn’t understand why he was standing outside my office.

“You must be Marla,” he said, his voice deeper than it was normally I later found out.

“I am.” I projected a calmer persona than I actually felt. And then it hit me; the meeting with the new project manager. I made a feeble attempt to suppress my surprise. “Oh, you must be Roland Harris.” I automatically extended my hand and he received it, hesitating only a moment, as if afraid to touch me. His skin was smooth, soft and slightly cool. It warmed quickly in my hand. His smile was easy, practiced. I invited him in. It was my job.

Turning Back the Clock

Have I expressed how much I LOVE yoga? Just once or twice?

Sunday's practice started out pleasantly enough. We started out slowly. We stretched things out on the mat and then moved on to more challenging poses. This is a yoga II class, so we tend to push the envelope a bit. In yesterday's practice, we engaged Urdhva Dhanurasana or wheel pose. It's a back bend.

I haven't done a back bend in forever. And for that matter, I haven't attempted to stand on my head in many years either. All of this 'yoga play' lightened my heart, and I found myself revisiting those years when I was able to twist, bend and turn my body around as if it were an after thought. It was refreshing and fun...and invigorating (as back bends tend to be).

So...I haven't asked in a while, have you tried yoga yet? No? Give it a shot. It's one quick way to turn back the clock and revisit those innocent years. Can't beat that!

Not a Tease

I really did mean to post Friday, the egg, if the last post was the chicken;}, however, I needed to attend to things here in Chicago. I know (all six???) of you can understand. Posts will be more sporadic, but check back as there are bound to be some exciting happenings on the forefront. (Keep your fingers crossed!)

Okay, so here's the post (I wrote this last Wednesday):

I treated myself to breakfast today (self congrats for the headstand and a nice ending to my birthday month). As I was led to my seat, I passed a rather attractive couple. There was an empty booth behind them. I thought to myself immediately, "Don't seat me here, anywhere but here. This is nothing but trouble." While I was thinking this, the female part of this couple deftly took me in...assessing me.

And yet, the host stopped short, "Here you go, enjoy your breakfast."

You see, I'm a regular, and I always request the large booth because I do a lot of work at this establishment, I need to spread out and although it's just me, I need my room. My host friend knows this. I did a quick survey to determine if there was another large booth. I saw none and I was faced with a decision: (1) Risk getting a small booth (and I detest the small booth)(2) Risk getting a table (I abhor the table!) (3) Stay and face away from the male counterpart (smart choice) (4) Stay and face the male counterpart.

So which did I choose? I'm a writer and observer first (will the rationale ever cease??? Besides, I smelled the trouble brewing and who am I to deny the good story?)Always one to take in human nature in its truest form, I chose option 4 and Ms. Cute Couple shifted enough to obstruct both the Mr. and my view from one another. And then she kept pulling her hair behind her ear (tell-tell). It was in a pony tail. They looked as if they were on vacation (it was 10:00 in the morning on a Wednesday!! There is nothing that dictates that you have to 'fashion up' on a down day...that's why they're down days!)

Anyhow, I immediately felt uncomfortable about my choice. I never want to be the conduit to another person's insecurity. Clearly, they were dating, or she was angling so, so I thought. Regardless, she continued to make quick glances at me (I was directly behind her)as she tried to maintain a conversation with Mr. CC.

I was a little surprised that I'd called it (not surprised by my intuition or sixth sense, but just the accuracy!)I knew that she would excuse herself, and she did. To my credit, I never glanced at Mr. CC. I glanced around him (he was as uncomfortable as I was, perhaps too, sensing the set up). Upon her return, she paused at the stairs (as if I couldn't see her) to observe the happenings, and then she sat.

All of this reminded me of Dave Young. A young man who was a friend. A friend who knew that dating would yield nothing but trouble, although the energy between us was electric. He maintained that I was the "marrying type" and he wasn't ready to get married (THIS is a whole other blog which I will get to later). Anyhow, I was a YOUNG 20 something, and we'd gone out to a club. Well, I needed to leave (as I was on public transportation...yes, that long ago). Ever the gentleman, he hailed a cab for us (I insisted on taking the El home...he wasn't my boyfriend, and I didn't want him to be), made sure I made it on the 'El' and then high tailed it back to the club. Upon his return, he was treated to 'pork chop' service as we termed it. Several women pounced with their eyes and gestures (why do men fall for this???), and let him know that they weren't necessarily vegetarians. It was funny. We laughed.

On another outing, we went for lunch. While waiting to be seated, several girls eyed him despite my presence, clearly wanting his attention. And they were obvious. They had no idea that we were just kissing cousins, AND they didn't care. I looked back at Dave and said, "ready to eat pork chop?" He got it immediately and nodded, understanding the reference. We laughed at the situation, not at all threatened or enticed by the flirting girls. It simply was. We realized we had no control over the girls. What was going to happen was going to happen, but we had a mutual respect and we didn't want to make the other uncomfortable. He made sure the girls saw me as he nodded an acknowledgement and dissmissal.

I'm not exactly sure why I thought about Dave (as I haven't in a long while)but I guess I was rooting for Ms. CC (who I later discovered was married to Mr. CC with all the matching jewelry)to take the higher road. I KNOW (as many reading will say, it had nothing to do with me...although, I was looking rather cute and alluring...)that I was not the cause for concern, and that he was, but something about me being me put her on alert.

I was uncomfortable with that, but perhaps it was just the sponginess in me reflecting her discomfort and insecurity. Who knows? Your thoughts?

Denying Beauty

For those of you who read this blog, or know me, you know that I try to keep things light. That is my nature...light and easy going. But sometimes I have to take it there. I will write about an experience I had yesterday, probably Friday when I have a bit more time, but this really is the chicken (if you believe that the chicken comes before the egg as I do...sometimes).

I've been reading several blogs of interest, not all are listed here, but they are in my personal favorites. I have had several discussions with women and the outcome is always the same. We deny our beauty.

Tell me, what do you think of this statement: "I'm a beautiful woman that men find undeniably attractive."

Or how about this: "I have the 'damn' factor. That unintelligible cause for pause that makes a man stop and say, "damn.""

This was explained to me at a party recently. This is actually a true and very interesting conversation I had the other day, although I'm really not doing it justice as the gentleman explaining the world as it is to me was so animated in his "damn" that it rocked his whole body and made the left side of my mouth involuntarily curl up. The tell-tell sign that I was humored.

When you read these statements, do you think me vain? Arrogant? Confident? Over confident?

Why? I'll tell you what I think is wrong with these statements: Firstly, it assumes that a man/men validate women's beauty. It's ours and we own it. But time and again, we deny it, apologize for it, and feel shame about it. AND allow others to validate us, or not. You rarely hear women compliment themselves. That would be considered rude right?

Case in point: I had a conversation with someone recently. I'd written something and I stopped and looked at my fluid scribble. I said, "gosh, my handwriting is pretty." The woman in question turned to me and said, "Andrea, why can't you give someone a chance to compliment you?"

I thought about it for about three seconds. I don't need anyone to compliment me. I think my handwriting is pretty. End of story. Sorry, but it doesn't matter what your thoughts are on the subject.

Everyone thinks that beautiful people (and I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that it's as or more important to be beautiful inside...here I go with the rationalizing) have it made. Not so. There's a great deal of guilt that hovers over your fine looks that you have to contend with daily. Apologizing for or down playing beauty becomes very second nature.

It's not just me. I keep reading/hearing it. I fully understand where my issues started, but that's for another blog at another time, but I want to understand why this is for you.

Help me out...your thoughts?